Introducing a gag to a kinky sex scene is sometimes a little intimidating at first, especially if you’re presented with a ball gag from the get go. Whilst having your ability to speak taken away can be scary, it can also be incredibly erotic and here’s why:
Why Wear A Gag?
Wearing a gag increases feelings of helplessness within a submissive, and as their ability to communicate is greatly reduced, this in turn fuels sexual tension and arousal. Depending upon the style of gag you choose, speech may be muffled or almost completely removed, which will increase the submissive’s focus upon her partner. A lot of trust is needed to embark upon a BDSM relationship, and whether it’s being tied up or gagged, the submissive will be dependant on you in some way. Being gagged will reinforce the roles of submissive and dominant, and add a touch of humiliation. Some gags will cause drooling, others can stretch the mouth or leave it open, and muzzle gags may cover the face entirely. Ball gags have an appealing aesthetic, too. A pair of lips stretched around a red rubber ball, with a dribble of saliva here and there, can make for a very pleasant sight indeed.
Top Tip — If you have a noisy partner in bed, wearing a gag is going to prevent those screams from reaching the neighbour’s house. This means you can go at it harder and faster, and no one will be any the wiser! (Just remember to make sure the headboard is a couple inches away from the wall.)
How To Choose Your First Gag
The easiest way to try your first gag is to find a silk scarf, or long rectangle of cotton material, and tie it loosely behind your partner’s head. These styles of cloth gags don’t look particularly threatening, and can be easily removed (keep the knot simple guys!) if the submissive decides she doesn’t like them. They are breathable, will still allow some form of speech, and the drooling won’t be uncontrollable.
If you both enjoyed experimenting with cloth gags, the next step would be to look for a beginner’s ball gag. Choose a small ball, preferably made of silicone. Silicone is especially good for beginners because it’s flexible, hypoallergenic, and virtually tasteless. The fastening at the back could be a simple Velcro closure, or you could opt for a double D-ring, slide-to-fit strap. Both of these straps can be quickly removed, which is the main objective when you’re just starting out.
Another variant of the beginner’s ball gag is the wiffle gag or breathable ball gag. They are hollow balls and are usually made out of silicone, plastic or rubber. Very light in weight, they have several holes punctured through the surface of the ball to enable easy breathing.
As you advance in play, you can find rubber gags, metal gags, bit-gags, gags with D-rings attached for bondage play, and even full bondage suits with inbuilt gags. The trick is to start simple and work your way up gradually.
REMEMBER: A safe word is going to be impossible to utter while gagged. Decide on a safe signal to use beforehand. If the submissive’s arms are free, they could hit the floor or some furniture several times to ‘tap out’ the same way that wrestlers or martial arts competitors do. Alternatively, you could opt for the ‘stamp your feet’ method, or use some kind of toy. Some people will hold bells that they can ring, others will hold a squeaky toy that they will squeeze when they’ve reached their limit. At the end of the day, it’s up to you, just make sure that it will be loud enough to be noticed when you’re in a tense scene.
CAUTION: Within a scene, regularly check up on a gagged partner to make sure they are okay. Never use a gag on someone who has a cold or an upset stomach, due to a risk of passing out or choking. This is also why you should never leave a gagged person unattended at any time. If you need to go out of the room, always unfasten and remove the gag. Safety first!