Topping from the bottom is a practice that is usually frowned upon in the BDSM world. But, when I am being a submissatrix – that is to say, a domineering sub – there are no frowns to be seen. Only happy faces are evident. This is because I do not pretend to be a sub at any point. In fact, I promise to be rebellious right up to the point where I can control everything. Being a submissatrix is my favourite type of domination.
A good example of this phenomenon can be seen when I engage in a teacher/student role play scenario. My ‘teacher’ knows that I am at least being honest about my dominant intentions. This is despite my avowed sub role. I am not wilfully attempting to undermine his domination skills because – in my estimation – he did not possess any to speak of. In any case, conventional domination techniques can sometimes require a little too much energy for my liking. Being a submissatrix guarantees that I can be lazy to some degree, or passive at the very least.
This preference established itself after I had watched the movie ‘Secretary’ for the first time. Forget about Christian Grey, Fifty Shades and all that stuff. ‘Secretary’ is where it’s at. The earlier movie features another – more significant – Mr Grey. This one is Mr. E. Edward. Unlike Grey, he has no need for alpha, business male accoutrements like gliders, helicopters or tower blocks with his name on them. In fact, he’s quite the opposite. He is utterly old school and his environment could not be more traditional. There is no need for email or wifi in his office; correspondence takes place in the form of letters produced on typewriters. But, I would not want to spoil the plot for anyone who has yet to see it. Let me just say that the story taught me that spelling mistakes can be sexy, even more so when they are made deliberately and are punished with a sound spanking.
With that very scenario in mind, I intended to recreate something similar myself. I was very deliberate in initiating an online correspondence with a guy on a fetish forum. I went out of my way to make lots of deliberate spelling mistakes in our correspondence. It was so bad that I wanted it to be obvious that I was not illiterate but that it was all a demonstration of my warped sense of humour. Then, when my ‘teacher’ and I finally got to act out our shared fantasy scenario, I made sure that I was dressed in faux school uniform. Naturally, I went commando beneath my short plaid skirt and did my very worst just to provoke him and earn a vigorous spanking for my bad behaviour. All the while, the repetitive tensing and relaxing drove me crazy.
‘You are supposed to sit with your knees together!” he kept shouting at me.
My punishments were guided and predicted by my elaborate displays of disreputable behaviour. I was definitely asking for trouble.
‘Are you trying to fuck with my mind?’ my ‘teacher’ demanded, over and over again, as he spanked me.
The answer, of course, was ‘yes’.
In the real world, I was always an exemplary student. I used to resent anyone who messed around and disrupted the class that I was a part of. I, on the other hand, applied myself and did all of my homework. I was a chatterbox, however. And, on those rare occasions when I did get a telling off, I recall the experience as a terrifying one. Now, that same scenario makes me horny when it is part of a role-play scenario.
This was the situation that I found myself in with my “teacher”. When I want him to punish me, I know I have to misbehave somehow. I am constantly thinking of ways to obtain the pleasure that I crave so much. Ordering someone to do something is no fun. At least, that is the case with me. I have found that provoking them to do something that I desire is much more satisfying. That is what being a submissatrix is all about.