Let’s get one thing straight here – not all women love submitting to their partners in the bedroom, and you’ll want to get a feel for her ideas on the matter before you decide to crack open the handcuffs and lube. Failure to read the bedroom signals correctly could find you with a black eye, two black eyes, a couple of fractures, or all of the above. We’re kidding (at least, we hope so!) but you still shouldn’t make the mistake of assuming your partner wants to submit in the bedroom without running a couple of ideas past her first. ‘Have you ever fantasized about BDSM?’ ‘Could I try some handcuffs on you?’ Or, ‘I think you’d look gorgeous with some stainless steel metal bracelets wrapped around your wrists and ankles, with a leash to match,’ could be a more sensible option than the ‘me caveman, you Jane’ approach.
The truth of the matter, is that there’s an awful lot of women who do love being told what to do in the bedroom, and here are some reasons why:
We’ve been bottling up our sexuality for years. We’re told not to discuss sex. It’s rude to talk about it, and it’s even less polite to watch it. Buying naughty books from the top shelf caused such embarrassment that it was almost too painful to go through with the ordeal, but now with the advent of the iPad or tablet, anything is possible. Women are reading deliciously dirty books by the bucket load without shame for the first time since about forever, and they’re no longer hiding their naughtier side.
Sexual research suggests that a lot of women sexually fantasize about submission, whilst men often fantasize about taking control. The modern world that we live in has almost equalized roles between men and women, but our gender-based fantasies regarding sex are often quite different. Whilst women are actively seeking equality in most walks of life, we don’t necessarily want it in the bedroom!
Mills and Boon, and many other romance publishers have been feeding women with stories that they’ve adored for years. They have a pretty specific formula, too. The hero is usually an alpha-male; he knows what he wants, and better yet, how to get it.
Let’s not forget that the simple idea of submission is fun, too. There’s a whole world of ropes, cuffs, floggers, blindfolds, and vibrating magic wands. It’s a bit more exciting than the standard variety of sex we’ve been used to. Even if we don’t want to be submissive all the time, it’s a good giggle to at least try it, and who knows, we might even want to hold the whip ourselves one day!
In reality, there are so many reasons why women enjoy submission, that it would be impossible to list all of them, but here are a few to get you thinking:
Redress Of Power – If she has a stressful and demanding job in real life, it may be a relief to come back home and have her partner take charge in the bedroom. She won’t have to make any more decisions, and she won’t have to think – all she has to do is feel.
Being Tied Up and Helpless Is Very Erotic – The anticipation of wondering what your lover might do to you whilst you’re naked and bound can be extremely arousing. It gets the adrenaline flowing and the pulse rate roaring in no time at all.
Role Play is Sexy – Actually being able to fulfill your fantasies is an amazing experience. You get to try on naughty costumes and assume completely different personas. From doctors and nurses, to teacher and schoolgirl, there’s a world of role-play that’s waiting to be explored, and the chances are it’ll blow her mind.
The Intimacy – Scenes in BDSM can be quite intense. They could start with a gentle massage, followed by a soft session with the flogger. Then there could be a blindfold and a tickle stick, followed by a few sharp swats with the crop. All this additional foreplay and touching will leave her wet, breathless, and trembling. What’s not to like?
Survival Of The Fittest – From a psychological perspective, it may be that woman are seeking out the alpha male of the pack to ensure safety, protection, and… well… the best chance at ensuring the human race continues to flourish.