Your ABC Guide to the World of BDSM – Part 1

If you’re just discovering the world of BDSM, there’s a whole bunch of kinky terms and words that you’ve probably never heard of. Fear not! Here is your simple guide to understanding the basics…

Age Play

This is generally where one partner wants to take on a younger role. It could be a schoolgirl, a baby, a toddler, or a cheerleader. The other partner will assume the role of an elder, such as an experienced adult, a head teacher, babysitter, or a parent. This is where the Daddy and little girl dynamic can often be found, and power exchange tends to feature prominently in these scenes.

It doesn’t have to be about sex, though. Sometimes it instills a feeling of safety and security in the submissive, and the dominant gets his chance to pamper his lady and shower her with attention.

Bondage

This is where you tie up or restrain someone, so you can have them at your complete and utter mercy. It might be silk scarves, rope, or handcuffs, but the end result is the same. It ranges from the very simple arms above the head technique, to the incredibly intricate rope ties seen in aerial bondage. The attraction is having your partner open or vulnerable, and begging for your attention. There’s also a certain something about rope being visually appealing against naked skin.

Again, it doesn’t always have to be sexual. In Shibari, the rope ‘artwork’ is often the key focus and some submissive’s enjoy the quiet headspace that being tied up brings.

Brat Tamer

A ‘brat’ is a submissive that goes out of her way to talk back, argue, or misbehave. The behavior is often playful in nature, but they generally require a firm hand. A ‘Brat Tamer’ is a dominant that thinks he can handle all their misdeeds and more. Whilst he has his work cut out for him, he usually enjoys it!

Degradation

Some kinkster’s find arousal in degrading or demeaning their partner. They will often call them names and find ways to humiliate them, usually within a sexual context. Although their partner will have given his/her consent for this type of play, they will often be what are termed as a ‘slave’ or ‘pet.’ They thoroughly enjoy being mistreated and often beg for more of the same.

Dominant

A dominant is someone who values being in control and enjoys taking charge of a situation. Sometimes referred to as a ‘top’ or ‘Master’ they call the shots with regards to sexual play and expect the other party in their relationship to tow the line. The idea is that their partner should submit to their will. If a submissive’s behavior is found wanting, they may to choose to deliver punishments, which can be many and varied in nature.

Some dominants rule their household 24/7, whilst others prefer to contain their fun to the bedroom. There is a lot of responsibility associated with being the dominant partner. The submissive’s safety is of paramount concern, and they often research and plan their scenes far in advance, too.

Exhibitionist

If you like having sex in public or with a view to being seen and caught, you’re an exhibitionist. Within the BDSM world, you might enjoy being seen together at a club or play party. It will generally be the submissive who is naked, though not always. Be aware that actually having sex in public is illegal in most countries. If in doubt, research first, because beds in jail cells are notoriously uncomfortable.

Experimentalist

These are the really annoying people who have been there, done that and got the T-shirt to prove it before doing it again. They dive headfirst into workshops and sex exhibitions, and they are never afraid to volunteer their services. They live for the experience, have an insatiable curiosity about sex, and like to be hands-on.

If they don’t brag about it too much, they’re actually quite good fun to be around!

FemDom

FemDom stands for Female Domination and this is where a woman takes on a position of dominance. There are a number of terms for a woman in this role such as dominatrix, madam, or mistress. People often think of a woman dominating a male when this term is used, but it may also be a female, or combination of the two.

Feminisation (Also Known As Sissification)

Feminisation is where a male submissive is asked to take on the role of a female, perhaps by being dressed in women’s underwear or clothes. They may be asked to perform household cleaning tasks or put on makeup, and the aim of the game is usually humiliation.

 

For Part Two, check back later this week for more kinky terms and guides, and remember, keep it safe, keep it consensual!

 

-Christina Mandara

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